


An Eternity That's Not

by sdd_writes_things



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: F/M, Slight Canon Divergence, aaaaaaaa, basically i really like writing for cassian and also the elevator scene is so important to me, most is canon though, nothing like dying on a beach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 00:32:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10348335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sdd_writes_things/pseuds/sdd_writes_things
Summary: For an eternity that's not they watch each other, catching lost breaths and mourning lost time.





	

This, Cassian figures, is the highest point he'll ever reach in life.

It's not like he can really get any farther now. Any chances of anything getting better in what is undeniably his last five or ten minutes of life are pretty much zero.

But even then, he wouldn't trade anything in the universe for the unending briefness of this ride in the turbolift.

The metal is cold and with part of the power out the lights flicker and occasionally the car shudders, but steady on it goes. The air between Cassian and Jyn is dank, warm, and while it's a welcome reprieve from the frigid air of the data vault Cassian would, in all other circumstances, prefer at least a mild chilliness to the overwhelming humidity of Scarif.

He's never really liked tropical biomes. Warmth, for a good chunk of his life, was a foreign concept he still doesn't entirely understand. Fest was so cold the warmest he got was only three layers of clothing as opposed to the typical six or seven.

And Scarif is so warm, he's practically dying in only one layer.

He tries not to remind himself that he's also literally dying. He's bleeding somewhere, doesn't really care where, just knows that there's blood in many places and he hurts. Cassian's whole body aches, complains every time the lift car stalls.

But then Jyn puts one hand on his shoulder and one on his arm and his pain is almost nonexistent, a distracted thought in the back of his brain that's buzzing with white noise and an emotion he can't quite place.

He doesn't know if he's happy, doesn't know if he's comfortable. He's pretty sure he isn't as far as the latter goes. But Jyn's warmth is gentle, unlike the sun beating down outside and the explosion rattling its way across the ocean, and he decides he's neither happy nor comfortable, but content.

Content because he knows he'd done all he could. Because he knows this is the end of the line for him and he's served his purpose, and likewise for Jyn.

Content because she's here, supporting him, daring him silently with her eyes to close his. She won't let him go, not yet, and with a strength Cassian wasn't always sure he had he forces himself to remain conscious.

For an eternity that's not they watch each other, catching lost breaths and mourning lost time. The fire he'd seen dance in her eyes so many times in the past few days has finally smoldered into faintly glowing embers and he knows she's done fighting. She's tired and broken and looks older than she should and she's smiling, she's  _ smiling _ . A weary, battle-worn smile, but a triumphant one in the face of death and Cassian can't help but copy it.

She gently pulls his head down and presses her forehead to his own. The vague temptation to kiss her flits through the back of his mind and he ignores it. Even now, he's not entirely sure she'll let him, and he's too exhausted to do much more than lean on her anyway. He's sure that, given different circumstances, he could have loved her like he wants to.

But he doesn't know her, even. Hasn't had the chance, and won't get one now.

The lift halts and the door slides open. Behind and above them the sky is blue with the edges of sunset and Cassian wonders if he's ever actually looked at it the way he is now, with peace and contentment. A slight breeze, one he's not entirely sure is caused by the atmosphere itself, sways the palm trees where the shore merges with the forest.

But then he looks ahead. There's a massive mushroom cloud of fire and ionized oxygen and sublimated earth barreling towards them from what he guesses is maybe, at most, four hundred kilometers away, but even at that distance there's no way they're getting out of here. He heard Kay die in the data vault, and all the others’ comms cut out a while ago.

That's okay though. They got the plans to the Rebellion, and it'll be nice to sit on a beach and watch the horizon for the first--and last--time in his life.

Jyn shifts her position as she carries him to the water's edge, as if to hide something from him. Maybe a wound, maybe a fallen soldier, Cassian doesn't care. He's seen enough death today, he doesn't want the mangled body of a comrade to be the last thing he remembers.

Jyn lets go slowly, and helps him slide down into the sand before she follows suit. He grimaces and moves his leg so it doesn't hurt as much, then smiles tiredly at Jyn. “Your father would have been proud,” he manages, and it hurts his cracked ribs, but he feels she needs to hear it, even if he hadn't known what her father was like. In response she locks her eyes with his and her smile is relieved, grateful, like she'd needed someone to tell her before she could fully believe it herself.

In that moment, Cassian decides his favorite color is green.

Jyn reaches over and takes his hand, wrapping it tightly in her own. Emotion churns in his gut and has to tear his eyes away from her before he says anything he could die regretting.

And yet, she has to go and bring up one regret anyway.

“Anything you wish you could have done?” she asks breezily, as if they're not about to die.

Cassian swallows a lump in his throat. “Wish I could've gotten a chance to start over,” he murmurs. He looks at her askance, tightening his hand in hers.

“Me too,” Jyn replies, giving him that same look before quickly averting her eyes to the sand on her boots. She's quiet for a moment, then laughs a little to herself. “I regret all that hate and resentment I had toward my father and Saw. It was foolish.”

Cassian nods vaguely in understanding. “Should've redeemed myself,” he adds, “for Fest, for Kafrene…for Eadu…”

He feels her gaze on him suddenly, piercing into his heart and dragging his face to look at her directly despite his resistance. Her eyes, contrary to how he'd thought they'd be, are soft and warm and they almost make him feel guilty. “You already have,” Jyn declares. Cassian doesn't need her to elaborate for him to know what she's talking about, and without a moment’s hesitation he somehow finds the strength to pull her into his arms and hold her there, burying his nose into her neck and closing his eyes.

The heat is getting to him now. He's burning up and the fire isn't even here yet, though it's close. He tightens his embrace and breathes her in, memorizing the smell of blaster grease and blood and rain and cloves she seems to have saturated within her skin. Her muscles under her shirt are taught with years and years of strain that even now won't relax, and he realizes for the umpteenth time how strong she really is.

It's almost a religious experience for him in his delirious, dying state, and he feels like he's holding a goddess--or rather, she's holding him, at this point. But then his consciousness kicks back in and he remembers that she's not invincible, that, like him, she's mortal, and one last time he opens his eyes to look at her.

The light is blinding and the heat is unbearable but even so he decides she's the most beautiful person he's ever known, and he can't wait to see her on the other side. 

**Author's Note:**

> the end of rogue one has got to be the most emotionally powerful scene in any movie i have ever seen, rivaled only by the Forbidden Friendship sequence in HTTYD, and i cant stop wont stop writing about it
> 
> hope this holds you off while i work on Oh God I Hate You lmao


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